It seems as though, as the day moves forward, time keeps standing still. Even as I watch the clock tick, I watch time pass... I'm stuck in the same moment. Everything is going to change for me. Everything has changed for me, but its still going to continue to do so. Change is good, when its for the better and I've always been one to embrace it. This beaten path I've chosen, was it the correct one? I still don't know the answer to this question and its the same question I've been asking myself for over a years worth of moments now. I can't keep hiding from myself anymore. I do love myself; I do want to prosper and be something. But how can I do that if I don't even know what it means? What does "be something" mean to me? What does prosperity mean to me? I don't even know where to begin when it comes to finding peace within my life.
The choices I've made haven't always been the greatest ones and I'm the first to admit this. I used to never claim fault for any mistakes I made and I believe I've grown, as far as that is concerned. The battle between me, myself and I has yet to cease. The battles on the outside I face, are no match for the ones within. Every moment is a battle for me. What is wrong with me? Even reading into the past, through this journal I have flipped from something one day, to the next. Even within the same day.
I'm still sitting here, waiting for something to happen. Why do I wait? Why one day do I have the motivation to keep pushing forward, but the next I lack everything..? One moment I can feel as though I have the world at my fingertips... the next... it turns to dust... and my reaction is a cold sweat, tears and this uncontrollable shaking. Nightmare-ish. Sometimes, even while I dream, I dread waking up, because I know what I'm going to have to deal with once my eyes see the light of day. I'm turning into a lurker in shadows. A glare-artist. A person of no remorse. A lifeless being. I need to figure myself out.
I'm tired of people asking me if I need or want their help. It's not so much me not wanting it, or not needing it... it's...
The only person who can help me is me.
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