Don't read this. Close your eyes. Click the little "X" in the red box on the upper, right-hand corner of your screen. This is not something you'll want to read, nor am I someone you'll want to know anything about. I don't even want to know me. Because of this, I've lost track of my own being in this persistently problematic life I lead. I'm at the edge of this cliff, pebbles falling beneath my toes... arms spread open and in the back of my mind, hoping to fall. Praying to myself, due to my lack in belief in anything else, I slip... but also having an underlying hope that I don't. I've reached my limit with pseudo-happiness and for the first time in a long time, I'm ready for something real. It's truly, all or nothing, for me at this point.

This past year has been such a growth experience but sometimes I feel as though I've grown opposite to what I should have. I feel like the direction on the path I've chosen has miraculously gotten switched, flipped, turned and spun into a giant pathway/series of bumps. It's no longer a path or road to success or failure. It's rocks and boulders spread throughout the width of a raging river that I have to jump to and from, in hopes of reaching safety across the way. We live to die. Just as well as visa versa. Despite the twisted web I've woven for myself; no matter the lingering storm above my head that seems never-ending, I keep telling myself this is all just a dream. Everything is temporary. Those words alone, have pulled me back from that free falling feeling, rewound the tape that is my life and have helped me through the -- what seemed, impossible. There is still more to come, from this story. This is no fairy-tale. This is not a happily-ever-after.

I live. I will die.

I am.